Day Two in Rome or Shots for Jesus

Day Two in Rome or Shots for Jesus

So today was church day in Rome.  We got up early, put on our pants, covered our shoulders, and walked. A. Lot. I bought a guide on Amazon for a cursory overview of various important churches in Rome.  Unlike the Vatican museum, the other churches have few rabid Catholics to mow you down.  No half-priced-Lenten-fish-fry traffic here. We are saving that experience for tomorrow.

After mapping out all of the churches on our self-made tour, we decided to stop and pound shots of espresso after each church.  In Rome, if you stand at the bar, you can generally get an espresso for a Euro (1.11$ USD give or take).  It is a power-packed shot of caffeine in a dose that knocks backs easily and is occasionally followed with a water chaser.  Damn coffee in Italy is amazing. If there is one thing I've learned, is that if your coffee requires cream or sugar, it is to cover up the quality of the beans.  Black is beautiful, my friend.

I could go into detail about each church, but let's assume you have public television for the details.  If you have the Discovery Channel, I'm sure they will tell you how to marry a naked little person in three months while living in a swamp eating bugs instead of a quarterly beg-a-thon with complimentary mug and tote bag to say thanks.

 We decided not to play the Catholic favorite fundraiser called cover all bingo! but for churches.  They are everywhere and only the good ones tend to be open.  I have no idea how Rome can handle so many churches.  Yeah, it's Rome but only Starbucks has figured out the every-corner approach to marketing it's product.  The Catholic Church isn't that good-even with Holy Days of Obligation.  Starbucks offers Happy Hour Fraps.

Did you know that the Pope's home church is not the Vatican?  It's actually Saint John Lateran.  Once upon a time, there was a rich and powerful French king who was able to move the papacy to Avignon France for a while. (Fortunately for Rome, the Black Death hit Europe around this time sparing Rome.  Take that France!). On the Papacy's return, it located in Saint John Lateran.  All popes were enthroned here until 1870.   You can probably imagine it's grandeur. Or not.  Don't get me wrong, it is beautiful but an earthquake is 897, several fires, and its vacancy while the papacy was in France left its mark on the church.

If you look closely, you can spot me

Across the street from the church are The Holy Stairs (Scala Santa) "These are renowned because it is believed that Jesus Christ stepped on them during His Passion. They were relocated from Jerusalem to Rome in 326 by St Helena."(Rome.net)  There are a lot of interesting relics in Rome.  Get over the magic Mormon underwear.  Today we also saw the base of pillar where Christ was scourged as well as part of the manger.  Everyone's got a piece of the true cross but the manger?  That's big time.  Saint John Lateran claims to have the skull of Saint Paul.  I suspect it was in the church's museum, located behind the very tacky, if not camp, gift shop.

We walked into a very old church containing beautiful Byzantine mosaics.  An American priest asked me what I thought.  I said they were exuberant. He agreed.  He was leading tour and indicated the mosaics were likely early Syrian and did not belong in Rome.  I chortled and said I was Byzantine Catholic.  I was then asked to translate questions they had in the icon from ancient Greek.  Clearly this man did not know my scholarly Catholic upbringing, or lack thereof. The only thing I could add to the conversation was that Mary was wearing an unusual color for the time.  Until the proliferation of blue as a pigment, Mary was typically depicted wearing red.  She also had her hands pointed in a direction indicating something I learned and forgot again over the last week.

Rome if You Want To

Rome if You Want To

After a spell in the lands of Cyrillic and Greek alphabets, we return to the home of the Roman one. In. Rome.  Didn't see that one coming, did you?

We had to get up at 4:50 am to catch a flight from Sofia, Bulgaria to Rome, Italy.  We arrived at the same time as a flight from Philly had arrived.  Older Americans making their big pilgrimages to Rome!  Now if they can only stand on the green footprints that say, in English, "Stand Here" to get through immigration.

Well, I was in this shop in Rome before I had my cataracts done and...

We made our way out the airport and was whisked away to a cab by the airport 'staff'.   While desperately trying to ask questions about fares, they pushed our bags to another guy and then to a third who started to place them in his trunk.  None of this was right but at least he could no longer run another 100m.  He gives us a crazy quote and say, It's an UBER.  (UBER is banned in Rome.)  When we balked at the extra 30$ fare, he wanted to negotiate.  Go to hell we mumbled as we got our shit back. Serious travel tip.  Get an estimate of the expected price before hailing a cab and then know the price before the car starts.  Uttering Stop the car now works well too.  Cabbies will often quote you a non-published non-metered fare well above market.  Just stop it at first chance.

Hassle avoided, our Airbnb host let us drop off our bags early and we walked around the corner, literally around the corner, to the Vatican.  It was very busy with strangers offering discount tickets.  Stu politely says "no" whereas I am now feigning deafness or comprehension of the English language. I just spent a week in Bulgara, believe me, some Bulgarians are really good at not knowing English

Piazza Navona

Our host texted Stu and told him our room was ready.  We dropped by the supermarket and did our stroll.  Supermarkets in some countries feel sensual.  Which chocolate mousse did you want?  Oh hell, let's try all 10! Lunch meat.  I bet you at least 40 of these count as a salami.  Each aisle is an opportunity to dance with a small cart that whirls in all directions.  Combine that with my innate ability to find mark downs, and you would see I just got some marked-down panna cotta of the bedsheets as I type this.

Piazza Navona

After a long nap, we walked after sunset to Piazza Navona, a lovely open base with wonderful Baroque fountains that once was the Stadium of Domitian.  Eventually we waded towards the freakshow that is, the Trevi Fountain. All roads led to Rome—but not in neat grid over time.  The fountain is in a tight space with a huge crowd at any hour.   You pretty much don't walk up to the fountain but rather come around the corner to the spectacle of pickpockets, cameras, selfies, oh and the fountain.   It seems disrespectful to call it a fountain.  Which is moving faster, the water, or the marble horses charging through the surf?  It is hard to walk away from that setting.  I kept looking back.  Maybe I could just stay here and smile until like everyone, so I've read, has to go pee.

Crushing Tourism

Doei Amsterdam

The Patridge Family Bicycle?

Amsterdam Fetish Clothing Shop

The Oldest Gay Biker Bar in Amsterdam

Last year, I wrote about the increase in tourism in Amsterdam.  We used to live on the most notorious and oldest street in Amsterdam, the Warmoesstraat. The rent was low because who would want their children in such an environment? You could buy anything, step in anything, or step over anyone passed out.  It had sex shops, head shops, fetish shops, and the kind of gay bars that kept the faint of heart away.  Today, there is a candy shop where a fetish shop was located, an Irish pub where the oldest gay fetish bar was located, an Argentinian restaurant (one of thousands) where a gay restaurant was located, 2 supermarkets and a Dunkin' Donuts.  Instead of seedy characters, the street is packed with tourists.  The change is not limited to the Warmoesstraat.  The entire city is overrun with tourists and shops catering to them.  When we lived in the city, we had trouble finding a decent burger.  Now, they are on every corner along with 3 coffee shops, a Starbucks, candy shop, and Dunkin' donuts.  Much of the food is trucked in from central bakeries and there are fewer businesses that can keep up with the rent.  The city is being absolutely crushed by tourism but it brings with it a lot of money.  Streets where tourists are lost as now shoulder-to-shoulder—and this is in October.  You talk with locals and friends and they lament the loss of the charm and livability to tourism.  If I could even afford it, I would not want to live in the city center, or Centrum.  It is just too commercial.  For the average oblivious tourist, there are many places to find mediocre food on every corner and shops catering to your every need.  You would have a great time but miss out on a great Dutch experience.  

Talking about the growing pains really does not do the city justice.  The Red Light district is a very small part of the city.  The town is gorgeous.  Walk the canals and side streets to enjoy the architecture and maybe find a quiet place for a quick coffee. Consider a canal ride to see a new perspective. Avoid the pop-up tourist museums, ask shops for food suggestions, check out one of the greatest concert venues in the world, the Concert Gebouw, located behind Museumplein. Tickets are affordable and you can hear a sublime orchestra. Rent a bike and take the free ferry to Nord (North) and get lost.  It is charming, close, and easy to navigate.  Also consider a day trip by the easy to navigate and cheaply accessible train to Leiden.  The takeaway?  Get lost.  Walk along a quiet canal. And try some local cuisine on the outskirts instead of day-old pizza with corn or stale cake.

Chiquitas Sex Paradijs.  Home of the Bouncing Gold Dildo.