Adventures of Mark and Stu: Got Any More Toads?

Got Any More Toads?

Chocolat and King Kong at petit dejeneur

Hopital Notre-Dame à la Rose

Did you know that an Android phone can translate text on the fly? I had so much trouble with this feature that I have up on it. Mostly?

We went to a hospital that treated patients from the 13th to the 20th century in rural Belgium. The fortress (more or less) was designed to keep the good air in, and the bad air out. The place was designed to be fully self sufficient including a garden to grow food and medicine along side surgical theaters and recovery wards. Where else could you treat the humors of the body with therapies like blood letting?

If you were a daughter from a rich family (and were perhaps the ugly one?), you had the great honor of becoming a bride of Christ. Along with a life-long devotion of curing for the infectious was a dowry. Remember the bride of Christ expression? A good catch for Christ could mean a handsome dowry for the hospital. The much-needed cash brought prestige to the family and a much needed infusion of cash to take care of the sick and very poor.

The garden is a fascinating collection of plants and herbs designed to treat the ill. I wonder how much of this stuff actually works? We paid for the audio guide to the garden and entrance to the museum. As I feared, pretty much everything , including the audio guide were in French or Dutch. She said we could always listen to the pretty music.

Anywho... Each plant had one of those signs with a name--but only much larger and in French and Latin-ie. Medical terms can be pretty easy to understand with my French, Stu's Latin, and half of each of our brains made the task do-able. (We recognized that the Goggle translate feature actually worked---after we already finished the tour). My favorite plants had WARNING written on them with the text stating the plant was toxic thus no longer used. My favorite is probably oleander. It is so toxic the internet says to keep a second set of clippers and disposable gloves when handling it. Those nervous Nellies for some reason discontinued using the plant. Some said by prescription only. I figured those had efficacy. They had a plant to cure just about anything but the common theme was This plant will likely give you the sh*ts.

Part of the covert NATO stockpile

Inside the hospital the audio guide was in English with waaay too much chanting. It felt like the introductory music was longer than the description of the rooms. In addition, I would have like to have known what each item did what? Which one for for trepanning (drilling a hole in the head)? Which saw do you use to amputate the arm? Along the way were modern art exhibits as well. This only made the tour more confusing. Why did they attach cables to a head piece to have a patient sit up? Oh, that was just art.

We think that this was a piece of art, amid the medical exhibition

Plague doctor- Mark got the mask in Venice

One room described common medical cures. There was a great one about placing a toad under one's armpit, chest, or abdomen. I asked Stu to remember the cures. He forgot. I tried to find them on the internet but failed but I did find these goodies.

Remedies you might not want to try

rheumatism – wear a donkey skin
deafness – mix the gall of a hare with the grease of a fox. Warm the mixture and place it in the ear
baldness – shave head and smear it with the grease of a fox or bear. Or, smear the head with beetles’ juice
jaundice – swallow nine lice mixed with ale each morning, for a week
asthma – swallow young frogs
for a swelling – take a knife and cut out the infected part
gout – boil a red-haired dog in oil, add worms, pig’s marrow, and herbs. Make a mixture and rub it into the affected area
ringworm – wash hair in a male’s urine
internal bleeding – wear a dried toad in a bag around the neck

If you were too squeamish to try any of these techniques, you could always go on a pilgrimage. Many medieval people believed that diseases were punishments from God, and could only be cured through faith and prayer.

Post a comment with your own fun treatment. Who knows? The earth is still flat.

St.Elsewhere, Wallonia

Notice the Eyes for "Checking Up" on the Sisters

Packing back into the car to head back to Ath we discussed the experience. One of us only spoke French so the conversation felt like a game of charades with no cheating at times.

Mainvault

Our friend Gerard lives in a small village in the Belgian countryside, Mainvault, outside Ath. He knows everyone from the butcher to the baker. This year he has a room mate, Florent, who has really made a big difference in his life. Florent helps with tasks around the house and is great company for Gerard. Florent also is able to laugh at Gerard's rude risque gay comments meant to tease him. (Florent is straight.) The night before our arrival we heard one of his Newfoundlands, Chocolat, was dying. Chocolat and King Kong (the black one shaved like a lion) are both ten years old. That is very old for the breed. Like Christ with Lazarus, the Vet (this time) brought Chocolat back from the dead. He went from being unable to stand to certain something on your plate belonged to him as you ate next to his nose.

Gerard's country house is idyllic. He was an architect in a previous life and his touch is visible throughout the house. There is roofed porch to the side of the kitchen that looks out over the countryside. The view is from a table that abuts a large fish tank with goldfish. Around the yard are figs, berries, grapes, chickens, and empty (and full) bottles of Moinette. Bier is serious stuff in Belgium. The Germans have purity laws but the Belgians make the best beer. Each village has its own favorite. Ath is Moinette country, the local tipple. A beer, it comes corked like champagne and you must fend off every new bottle. I can't and don't drink so partaking is out of the questions. Besides, the stuff is strong yet they guzzle it like water. Life, she is a good with a nice bottle.

We get to mix it up with the characters in Gerard's life while in Mainvault. Of course, we speak no discernible French and, other than Gerard, few spoke any English. If we intend to return here, which we do, we will have to begin to speak and listen French. Michel and Nadine are an octogenarian couple down the Rue du Calvaire. Our confusing tee-totaling aside, we have spent some lovely afternoons together, stammering through French and English respectively, and occasionally singing. Nadine makes a mean mousse au chocolat and an elderflower liqueur. This year's new characters included Chocolat's vet, who was stopping by for a beer while looking in on his convalescing patient and Eric, the proprietor of The Clandestine Barbershop, a tiny house trailer barber shop in the next town over. Of course we will be back, and we will work on our French.